Recently, I was part of a very interesting teleconference discussion that included the topic of how no one can make you feel bad.  The point was that another person can only trigger something in you that already feels bad, and that you should be grateful to them for the gift to you of the opportunity to explore and release that trapped negative energy.  Now, some of you may be thinking “What is she talking about?” so let me explain it another way.

You’re in a conversation with someone.  They say something you take personally.  You get angry and defensive.  They get angry and defensive back.  Now you’re escalating into an all out argument until one of you stomps off in a huff.  Or maybe you’re more like me.  You get hurt and defensive, withdraw into yourself, and retreat hurriedly from the scene.  Either one sound familiar?  We have all done this.  We are all human.  These behaviors impact the quality of our relationships, use up a lot of precious energy, and the real issues never get addressed. 

Let’s try out another way.  You’re in conversation with someone.  They say something that triggers a negative emotion in you.  Instead of taking it personally, you notice your negative reaction, and say “When you said that just now, I felt _____ (anxious, afraid, angry, etc.).  I’m curious to know where that is coming from in me, so I want to thank you because I’m now going to explore it and hopefully release it for good.  I love you so much!”  Now, you’re saying that’s too weird and uncomfortable.  People don’t talk like that.  But, think about.  If everyone on the planet took responsibility for their own feelings, without judgment or blame, and made a point of clearing them, there would be no more violence, murder or war.

Can you imagine that world?  Now if you’ve just burst out singing John Lennon’s song “Imagine”, you’ve gotten what I’m saying here.  You see the possibility of that world.  You feel an opening for it in your heart.  You are part of the shift that is happening.

You are sacred love.  Sacred love is all that you are…

As always, I’m here to support you in your journey, and would enjoy knowing how you’re doing and any feedback you may have (cecily@coachcecily.com).

With love and gratitude,

Coach Cecily

conflict resolution · inner peace · owning your feelings