It was about 11:00 at night, and I was shutting down the lights to go to bed.  As I walked into the kitchen, I froze.  There was a tarantula the size of my hand in the middle of the floor.  Oh my God! Oh my God! After a moment of panic, the rational part of my brain broke through my terror and told me that I had to deal with it.  But how?  My usual procedure with spiders was to turn a glass over them, slide a piece of paper underneath, and gently place them outside.  That wasn’t going to work with something this size!  There is a tarantula in my kitchen!  Oh my God! Oh my God! Even though I knew that tarantulas are harmless, some deep primal fear made it hard to think. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a quart yogurt container in the dish drainer.  This still wasn’t wide enough to come down over the tarantula, but, taking a deep breath and summoning all of my courage, I approached the tarantula with the container and cover and scooted him inside.

As I held the container closed, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.  There is a tarantula in my kitchen!  Oh my God! Oh my God! Now what?  The closest door went into the garden.  I didn’t want to have him living out there!  I made it to the front door and across the driveway to the front yard.  By now I had used up what was left of my failing courage, so I drop the container on the ground and ran back into my house and locked the door.  There was a tarantula in my kitchen!  Oh my God! Oh my God! I felt violated, vulnerable, and alone, but I was too full of adrenalin to cry.  I thought about calling someone.  No one I knew to be comforting would still be up.  It was only a big spider after all. Don’t be a wimp! Go to bed.

I made my way to the bedroom, nervously checking every shadow, and running terrifying scenarios in my head.  What if there are more of them in here?  What if more come in during the night? What if I get up in the middle of the night and step on one? There was a tarantula in my kitchen!  Oh my God! Oh my God! I crawled into bed, pulled the covers tight around me, and hugged a pillow for some small comfort.  After asking the Angels to protect me, I fell into a fitful sleep.  Around 3:00am, I had a nightmare.  I dreamt that I was forced to watch someone I loved being tortured and mutilated for acting against the authorities.  I went to speak out in protest, and was pulled back and warned “No.  Be silent!”  I woke up nauseated and in a cold sweat.   My physical discomfort and the horrific images I had witnessed had me wide awake.  I appealed to the Angels to fill me with their love and light, and help me understand what was happening to me. I was finally able to sleep, again.

The next morning, I was still a bit shaky and feeling uneasy.  I called a Shaman friend of mine in hopes of getting some answers.  She was thrilled I had a tarantula in my kitchen!  It was a gift to me; a clear message about releasing my fear.  She went on to explain that tarantulas are the most revered of spiders, and associated with wisdom, creativity, and transformation.  Spiders also aid in communication and weaving magic with the written word.  As for my nightmare, I was clearing a past life fear of speaking up and sharing my truth, that had been blocking my ability to create to my fullest potential.  The fact that I was nauseous meant the clearing was very deep.  This was all great news!

How amazing! With a simple shift in perspective, I was now grateful to have had a tarantula in my kitchen. I went from being a victim of my fear to embracing the powerful gifts it had brought me. I could see it as a positive learning experience that had helped me release an old fear and expand to be more of my true authentic self, more of who I was meant to be in the world, more able to fulfill my divine purpose.

Now it’s your turn. What is the “tarantula in your kitchen?” Can you welcome and accept your fear without judgment, knowing that love is on the other side, and that clearing it helps to bring you back to your divinity?  Good.  Now take a deep breath and let it go.

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